Thursday, September 1, 2011
Will was a late bloomer when it came to walking, but even our pediatrician knows him well enough to point out that it's his personality to be cautious and thoughtful. Exactly...it's like he really wanted to think about it for a while before committing to this walking thing. I've often watched him in his quiet moments of play; he really gets lost in his own thoughts and imaginings and has to blink a few times to come back around if I need to get his attention. Yes, he's a thinker, my Will.
And a feeler, too. Sometimes, when I have to wipe his face with extra fervor because the peanut butter has dried on his chin, he'll say "Ma?" with a question in his voice, wondering why his Mommy is scrubbing at his face until it almost hurts. Because he wants all to be well and for me to be happy, and happy with him. Even the few times I've had to punish him, I'll be giving him my stern eyes and my lecturing voice, and he'll put his hands on my face and lean in to give me a kiss. I've had to try so hard not to laugh when he does this, because sure, he's manipulating a bit, but I also know where it comes from -- a soft heart with sensitivity to emotion. Yes, he's a feeler, my Will.
I've been struggling with some things this week. Trying hard to get past a few obstacles that seem determined to stay in my path. Just this morning I was having a quiet moment with my coffee at the kitchen table, reading the words of a dear friend, when I started softly crying, feeling overwhelmed with these roadblocks. My kids were in the other room watching cartoons and playing, or I would never have given in to my emotions -- I hate crying in front of my children and I will do just about anything to avoid it or hide it. But just then, Will walked into the room and came up to me, almost like he had busted me. He put his arms up to be picked up, and I settled him on my lap where he took in the screen before me, the coffee cup, and the tears on my face. He seemed to think for a moment, then he fixed those big green soulful eyes on me and gave me a look of such love and adoration, almost like he was saying, "Don't worry, Mama, it can't be that bad because see? I love you!" And I couldn't help but smile and wipe the tears away and return the tight hug that he was giving me.
I love how children teach us so much. I love how caring for their basic needs and meeting their demands for attention can take us away from whatever we might be doing that might be unnecessary or superfluous. I love how kids force you to be in the moment. And I love how my son showed me this morning that despite what else might be going on, I have him and his precious love for me. I know some might read this and think I'm ascribing too much to a 2-year-old's capacity for understanding, but I can assure you, he understood enough to know that I needed some love.
My sweet boy. My thoughtful, feeling boy. My Will with his soulful eyes.