Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Series 35: About Blogs

Installment #2
20 things you'll never see me do on this blog:
  1. Refer to my husband by his initials or in any contrived, hyper-cutesy, blog-lingo way.  His name is Marty.  I will call him Marty.
  2. Behave as though my life, my words, my name, or my blog are on their way to becoming some sort of brand.  I'm just Becky, and this is just a blog.
  3. Go from one single-digit size to a smaller single-digit size and talk about "my weight loss journey."
  4. Speak as though my wedding was some kind of social event.  Two people got married and shared that day with their loved ones.  It was beautiful, happy, and intimate...and probably not worthy of a magazine spread.  Yet I still manage to go on with my life...
  5. Post pictures of myself posing in front of my bathroom mirror to show you all the outfits I'm simply agonizing over.  Complete with smiley or pouty faces.
  6. Discuss my Louis Vuitton bag collection.
  7. Create an inspiration board for a 2-year-old's birthday party.
  8. Sell you stuff.  I tried ads but they failed because I made them teeny-tiny and/or hid them at the very bottom of the page.  Turns out I hate ads on my own site just as much as I do on others' (although if you're raising money for a sick child or for an adoption, by all means...).
  9. Encourage you to buy that $160 sound machine so your infant will sleep better. 
  10. Talk endlessly about my life in great detail and then every so often, post about how you can't possibly know me at all.
  11. Attempt to proselytize you to any kind of parenting "method."  Or sincerely consider that you should give up the cost of a month's worth of diapers to pay for a web seminar on nighttime parenting.  Because clearly nobody's been able to figure this out on their own in all the centuries of human history.
  12. Share links to blogs that would make you feel inferior or inadequate in any way.
  13. Use crossed-out words to make me sound funnier.  Because I suck I'm not good at it.  (Although I heartily admire those who are.)
  14. Show you images of customized stationery I bought.  For my infant.
  15. Pretend to be perfect.  Then deny my (pretense to) perfection by pointing out that I had a bad hair day.
  16. Write an entire post about aforementioned hair.
  17. Insult children's clothing that says "I love Mommy" or the like. 
  18. Promote any kind of random standard about baby clothing; i.e., it's a blight on the innocence of a child if his mother puts him in a polo shirt at the age of 2. That kind of thing.
  19. Deify my husband.  He's marvelous alright, but definitely not perfect.  It's never pleasant to be reading your blogs, sipping your coffee, and suddenly feel yourself gagging.
  20. Speak as though your life is obviously incomplete because you, your home, or your child don't have x, y, or z. 
15 things you *will* find on this blog:
  1. Pictures of my kids.  Not necessarily dressed up or at their best.  (Indeed, aren't those mutually exclusive?)
  2. Gratitude.  Lots and lots of it.  I have more to be thankful for than time in the day to express my thanks adequately.
  3. Unabashed admiration for my husband. 
  4. Nerdiness galore -- recommendations on books, documentaries, historical places to visit.  Buckle up.
  5. Sarcasm.  Because I'm good at it.
  6. A sense of humor about (almost) everything.  Laughter is critical and it never hurts to lighten up a bit.
  7. Links to blogs that I find important or meaningful or helpful or encouraging.
  8. Confessions of struggle, loneliness, and failure.
  9. Hope -- sweet, blessed hope -- for doing better tomorrow.
  10. Amateur(!) theological thoughts and musings.
  11. Tips on what has worked for me as a wife, mom, homemaker, friend, employee, Christian.  With a great big caveat that your life just might be different from mine, and your experiences unique.
  12. Tips on how to save money.
  13. Exultations at having saved some money!
  14. Questions on parenting.  I actually don't know everything because I actually haven't done this before.
  15. Boring anecdotes about my daily life.  Let's face it, this blog is for my parents, sisters, and a few very close friends who do me the favor of staying interested in my life despite how boring it truly is.


Kate said...

Ouch. My stitches are hurting from laughing deep down in my gut. Well done list, my dear!

Becky said...

What, is that you, KD? You didn't identify yourself properly so I wasn't sure. SNORT. Oh my stars -- you know I could have gone on and on. It's best to just rise above the fray, yes? (said in my best British accent)

Kristen said...

My fave? "deify my husband". HA!

Emily Golbov said...

Yes. I agree with all of these. :)